So eloquent and persuasive.

The concluding statement on the lab report I just finished grading, typos and all:

The resulted supported the idea that the levels would increase, due to that's what all the charts and tables showed us.

Hey, he's right. That is what the data "showed us".

However, the silver lining is the fact that I know that this student wrote this report. Not so with another. I am going through my first experience of having to penalize a student for plagiarism. By "I" I mean that the Man In Charge is taking care of the problem, but I discovered it and it is my student.

The Big Showdown is tomorrow morning, but so far the only response we've gotten from this student is "I apologize for the misunderstanding!" What misunderstanding??? When your paper is almost 70% identical to one from last year... yeah, that's plagiarism.

What would possess a person to plagiarize when they know they are submitting their paper to an online plagiarism scanning service? You know, aside from the fact that it is cheating and it is wrong?

Jeez. It is so stupid, too, because we've spent half the semester building up to this, which means all those drafts? Not theirs. All my comments and critiques? Completely ignored. As much as they should be in trouble for cheating, they should also be in trouble for wasting my time. And now, it will be on their permanent record. An F for the class and probation.

And to make matters worse, for some reason I have West Side Story music stuck in my head now:

We ain't no delinquents,
We're misunderstood.
Deep down inside us there is good!

Job Security?

I had an interesting conversation tonight while I was sitting at a wake with Prince Charming. A good friend of mine was there, and we were talking about recent lay-offs at her company. There have been several rounds of layoffs, in fact, and each time they come as a complete surprise. A person goes into work in the morning, and an hour later is escorted out the door with a hearty handshake, a look of shock plastered across their face, carrying their small box of possessions.

The most recent person that was laid off yesterday had been with the company for 25 years.

She said it was getting scary, because you never knew when it was going to happen, and since it has happened again and again and again, who knows if they are done?

Prince Charming was talking about layoffs at his own company. He is what might be considered "middle management", and he didn't know the layoffs were coming, either. Fortunately, one of the best sellers in his group had just quit (to go work with a competitor), but the silver lining was that it negated the need to let go of anyone else.

Somehow, in my head, I twisted this into not a bad thing, but a good one...

It must be a little bit liberating to know that, one day, you can just wake up and decide to leave it all behind you, and just pack up your little box of photos and staples and post it notes and walk out the door. The end.

On one hand, working in a field where you depend on grants can be frustrating... but at least you know months and years in advance how long you will have funding. There are no surprises. On the other hand, that level of commitment can seem like chains that are tying you down and holding you back.

As a researcher I've invested so much time and energy into this, that I can't leave until I have that one last paper. When will it be ready? Soon... soon... the ever elusive "Soon."

Me? I'm ready for "Happily Ever After."

Would I be a total bitch (and get bad evaluations) if I give them a belated lesson on email etiquette?

Dear student:
I am not a facebook friend. I am not a text message-er. I am not your buddy. I am your college professor. As such, I expect a certain level of respect. I would also appreciate it if you would spell check, grammar check, and ask a question I can answer, not just make a statement.

Sincerely,
Dr. Grumpy

Below are some of my favorite examples of my least favorite- by which I mean most irritating- email faux-pas:
• Any email that begins with the salutation: "Hey." Even no salutation would be better.
• Emails asking "is the assignment we handed in monday getting graded?" Every assignment has been graded. Maybe what you should have asked is "Is it too late to hand in the assignment?" -or- "Can I try that one again? With a little more effort on my part this time?"
• Emails telling me "The formula in my excel file isn't working." What, am I a mind reader? My equally cryptic response: "If you do it correctly, it works. So obviously, you screwed up."
• Emails with files attached, and nothing else written. Especially after I've informed them- repeatedly- that I am not accepting digital files, only hard copies. By which I mean- print them on paper.
• Emails asking me "Did you say xyz?" Especially when that email comes as a direct response to my email in which I, in fact, did say "xyz." And my email is quoted in theirs.

Ahh. Now I've started. I could go on and on... but I won't. I have to go check my email.

Why I am Grumpy

Today I am Grumpy.
Why, you ask?

Because I realized that I am 36 years old, I've got 21 years of education, 5 years in a post doc, 5 years of "other" life experience, two kids, a husband, and a house.

And I still don't know what I want to be when I grow up.